Quilty's
Fun
QUILTPOX WARNING
VERY CONTAGIOUS TO ADULTS
SYMPTOMS
Continual complaint as to need for snuggling under
a handmade quilt. Patient has blank expression, sometimes deaf to spouse and
kids. Has no taste for bedspreads or electric blankets. Hangs out at Quilting
Bees. Mumbles to self "Log Cabin", "Double Wedding Ring", "Ohio Rose"…
NO KNOWN CURE!
TREATMENT
Medication is useless, Disease is Not Fatal. Victim
should attend as many Quilt shows and Quilt shops as possible.
CAUSE
A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off
certain Pheromones, that actually hypnotizes women, and causes them to purchase
ungodly amounts. Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very
high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of the breed of women known as
"quilters".
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones cause memory
loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before
the onset of winter, therefore, perpetuating their species, and not having a
population loss due to their kind being cut up into little pieces and mixed with
others. When played backwards on a LP, the sounds are heard as chants "buy me,
cut me, sew me"!
In order to overcome the so called 'feeding frenzy effect' that these fabrics
cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear
plugs to avoid being pulled in to their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the
sight of women in a fabric store, with WWII Army gas masks and headphones!)
Studies also indicate that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread
the effect that these fabrics have on the human woman population. They are
called FABRIC STORE CLERKS.
Contact me at quilty@quiltalotamus.com
© Both the name
Quiltalotamus and the image are copyrighted.