This is a wonderful list compiled by Frances
Tankersley of Jackson, TN.
It insulates
the closet where it is kept.
It helps keep the economy going. It is our
patriotic duty support cotton farmers, textile mills, and quilt shops.
It is less expensive and more fun than
psychiatric care.
"Oh, it's not for me! I'm buying it for a
friend!"
My cat/dog needs a fresh, new pile of
fabric to sleep on and roll around on at least once a week.
Because it's on sale.
Okay, it wasn't on sale, but by the time it
was, all the good stuff would be gone.
A sudden increase in the boll weevil
population might wipe out the cotton crop for the next ten years.
I'm participating in a contest--the one who
dies with the most fabric wins.
It keeps without refrigeration, and you
don't have to cook it to enjoy it. Also, you never have to feed it, change it,
wipe its nose, or walk it.
I need extra weight in the trunk of my car
for traction on snowy, icy roads. This is important, even in Florida and
Southern California, as you never know when the weather will change.
Because I'm worth it.
It's non-fattening. It has been confirmed by
registered dieticians that a fat quarter has 100% fewer calories than a hot
fudge sundae.
I am working on building a complete
collection.
Like dust, it's good for protecting
previously empty spaces in the house, like the ironing board, the laundry
hamper, the dining room table....
It's a medical test to see if your husband
is still alive. If he is, a fabric purchase will make him start fussing about
more fabric in the house.
When the Big Earthquake comes, all the
quilt shops might be swallowed into the ground and never seen again.
Because it's there.
It's prettier than salt and pepper shakers.
It won't break.
A strong interest in fabric purchases will
leave you no time to spend in the pool hall or out stealing hubcaps.
It's much cheaper to cover the floor with
fabric than new carpeting, and you can change the look more often.
The devil made me do it.
Stress from dealing with the Fabric Control
Officer (my husband) made me do it.
It's the only remotely artistic thing I
have ever done.
If all else fails, you can use it for
cleaning rags.
I might set up my own fabric shop and I'll
need a starter inventory.
To keep the bed from falling down--we all
know that most quilters store part of their fabric under the bed.
To save a beautiful fabric design for
posterity. They might stop making it, and it would be lost to the world
forever.
Neighbourhood
children might need just the right colour for a scavenger hunt.
I need something new for show and tell
party games.
My friend has more variety than I do, and I
have to keep up with her.
Because I can't live without it.
It fights the empty nest syndrome--my
youngest child is getting married, so I have another empty room to fill with
fabric.
Because this fabric just talks to me and
calls my name.
It comes in whatever size or quantity you
want.
It's important to invest in cotton futures.
I'm too old to have sex. (This was
suggested by a quilter's husband.)
I have new shelves for fabric storage, and
if I don't fill them up, they won't look right.
They get angry when you steal it.
It will go with some I bought last year.
It's so pretty, and I'll use it some day.
I want my daughter to have a proper
inheritance.
Well-known medical fact: prevents washing
machine withdrawal symptoms on light laundry days.
Keeps the people who make cardboard inserts
in bolts of fabric employed, thus supporting the national economy in yet
another way.
Assists the little birdies with their nests
when scraps, threads, and little whispies are allowed to blow in the wind.
Opens up new opportunities for curators and
quilt show judges to ply their skills.
Opthalmologists
recommend quilting to support the sagging eye glasses industry.
Without fabric I would have nothing to do
with my rotary cutter and my mat and my sewing machine and my iron and my
thread and my needles and my quilting books . . . . . (and my time).
I'm setting a good example for my children.
There's just one more piece I need, and
I'll know it when I see it.
Buy it now, before your husband retires and
goes with you on all your shopping expeditions.
Someone else has cornered the market on hog
bellies.
It does not promote tooth decay.
Nobody told me not to.
It's raining (sleeting, snowing, hailing,
thundering, sun's too hot?).
It's not immoral, illegal, or fattening.
It calms the nerves, gratifies the soul,
and makes me feel good.
Buy it quick, before all the good stuff is
gone.
Surgeon General says: "Ten yards a day
keeps the blues away."
Step 32 of Master Plan to drive husband
crazy.
Everybody else does it.
"Oh, what a feeling!"
A yard a day is all the quilt shops of
America ask.
If you don't buy it now, you may never see
it again.
If I don't buy it, my husband won't have
anything to complain about.
It was awful! I was trapped in the quilt
shop, and the only way out was to buy my way out!
Unless my fabric stash is reasonably
impressive, people might think my family is destitute, and my children would
be embarrassed.
A large fabric stash is the sign of a
creative mind.
I owe myself a reward for that half-pound I
lost last month.